Are you dissatisfied with your current romantic relationship, but unsure why? Do you feel lonely or invisible even — or especially — in your partner’s company? Perhaps you are longing for more attention and affection from your significant other, but when you try to express your needs, your partner lashes out or doesn’t seem to listen. You may miss how things used to be, when you and your partner valued and respected each other.
Are you weighed down by a sense of guilt because you’re questioning your feelings for your partner and the future of your relationship? Perhaps you’ve even considered cheating, because the intimacy you need seems like it’s slipping away.
You may be struggling to maintain a deep, lasting connection with your partner and feel increasingly frustrated, worthless, and sad. Perhaps you start each day with optimism, but find your mood worn away by negative interactions or arguments, leaving you drained and exhausted by nighttime.
It may be that when your relationship started, it was strong and passionate, and you don’t know what happened to cause it to break down into the conflict, resentment, and unhappiness you see today. Are you distracted from responsibilities, preoccupied with feelings of insecurity, and desperate to find a solution to your relationship problems? Do you wish you and your partner could regain the connection and intimacy that you once cherished?
Though it may feel otherwise, you are not alone. It’s an understatement to say problems with relationships are common. The need and desire for intimacy and connection is a universal human experience, and relationship difficulties can arise from any number of sources.
All of us carry the experiences of the past into our present relationships, and if you have been betrayed, abandoned, neglected, or hurt by someone you trusted — whether a childhood caretaker, a close friend, or a romantic partner — you may find it difficult to maintain strong bonds today. Or perhaps you and your partner have had a child, which has upset the relationship dynamics you were used to and left little time for one another. And of course work stress can affect your emotional state, leading to fights, resentment, and emotional distancing from your partner.
Thankfully, regardless of what you are going through, it is possible to resolve these conflicts and revitalize your relationship. With couples therapy, you can more clearly identify your needs, better understand your partner’s needs, improve communication, and regain the intimacy and connection you’ve been missing.
Since 2004 I have worked with couples, providing relationship advice, compassionate guidance, and personalized support to help them overcome the obstacles keeping them from truly connecting. Couples counseling can help you learn more about your own communication style and how it might be different but not necessarily incompatible with your partner’s style. Recognizing the differences between how you and your partner communicate can allow you to bridge the gap, foster greater empathy, and minimize miscommunications and unhealthy conflict.
I believe strongly that people can get better and that relationships can improve, but it’s very difficult to do it alone. With my assistance, you can develop the tools you need to express your needs and understand your partner’s needs. If you are saddled with an unresolved issue with a person or event from your past, I can help you recognize how the past is affecting your relationships today so you can work toward resolution and relief. Together, we can pinpoint effective strategies to manage distressing feelings and identify which issues are yours to work on and which are not, allowing you to take ownership and begin to heal.
When you are able to clear away the emotional clutter, you can truly identify what’s really going on and who you really are. As you learn to be more comfortable in your own skin and increase your self-esteem and assertiveness, the decisions you make in your relationships can become clear, purposeful, and grounded.
I’ve learned that, perhaps more than some issues, it’s vital that you seek help for relationship problems sooner rather than later. Resentment and negative feelings can build up over time, making it that much harder to repair emotional connections. Counseling is extremely effective in helping couples turn back toward one another, restoring the joy and contentment they once shared, but it’s better to not wait.
My approach to relationship and couples therapy sessions is understanding, knowledgeable, and nonjudgmental. I don’t take sides. I can help you and your partner rebuild trust and improve communication, better know both yourselves and one another, and rediscover the love that drew you together. With compassionate support and the willingness to make a change, you can live a more fulfilled, happier, and more connected life.
Many people with significant relationship issues feel overwhelmed and believe that there’s no hope left. Often, people will wait years or decades before finally seeking help. While it’s helpful to confront issues earlier rather than later, the reality is that there is no deadline, and no matter where you and your partner are today, it is possible to positively shift your dynamics and reconnect.
Couples counseling can help you to clarify and better understand how you and your partner are thinking and feeling, so you can focus on the important things and spend less time feeling sad, angry, or lonely. It’s absolutely a worthwhile investment. People who are happy in their relationships are more productive, successful and satisfied in all areas of their lives.
I’m a licensed marriage and family therapist and psychoanalyst (PsyD, LMFT) and have worked for over a decade with couples that have relationship issues. My experience has allowed me to understand and be able to resolve issues, and I’ve continued my education throughout my entire career. I’ve learned the importance of staying connected, even when problems arise. Therapy focused on relationships, such as couples or marriage counseling, is so helpful because it offers you the tools to rebuild the deep connection with your partner you’ve been missing.
That makes sense. Of course you are. Nobody wants to hurt the people closest to them. However, the reality is that, unexpressed, your feelings will continue to fester. Being honest with both yourself and your partner is the first step in enacting real change in your relationship. Otherwise, the pain will worsen. It might not always be pleasant, but the truth will free you and allow both you and your partner to feel better, remove the emotional walls you have built up, and discover newfound intimacy and closeness.
If you are ready to be more engaged and connected with yourself and others, I invite you to call me at (916) 822-2042 for a free 15-minute phone consultation. I would love to answer any questions you have about couples counseling and my practice.